The Three Components of Charisma That You Should Add to Your Personality to Become Unbelievably Charismatic
Charisma is that mysterious thing that most successful and influential people have, no matter what their fields are, business, politics, sports, art, music, etc.., they all have it, it is what makes them so loved, respected and admired.
We tend to believe that the secret behind those people’s charisma is biological, something you get born with it, you can not build it from zero.
The truth is, we all can be charismatic, we all have the power to develop that personal magnetism and drive people to love and respect us.
It is between our hands to decide if we want to change ourselves, if we want to stand out, attract attention, command respect, and influence others.
To build charisma, you need to add certain components to your personality and character, these traits are Charm, Confidence, and Mystery.
Developing these components will make you able to lead, persuade, and influence people like you want.
The first component of charisma: Charm
Charm Tip#1: Focus on the other person
Your mental and emotional energy must be focused on the other person, make him the center of attention, ask questions, show compassion, make the other implicitly and in a subtle way believe that you care about him.
Charm Tip#2: Don’t talk too much about yourself
Talking too much makes you look selfish, insecure, and push people away from you. Of course, you don’t have to be so passive, talk and express yourself, but make your speech limited, make sure that the other talk more than you. That will not just make you look more charming, but also more powerful and mysterious.
Charm Tip#3: Give compliments
Do not criticize people, instead, say to people what they want to hear, what would make them feel good about themselves. If you have to criticize, do it indirectly and subtly, to make sure that you won’t hurt the others emotionally.
Charm Tip#4: Avoid complaining and Negativity
Do not be negative, stop sharing your problems with others and complaining about your bad circumstances, this would only push others from you, instead, listen to other’s problems and complains, show your compassion with their problems. You do not have to help them to solve their problems, just listen and show that you can feel what they feel, and you fully empathize with them.
Here are some other tips to develop your charming powers more:
Make eye contact
Many studies have proven that people who make higher levels of eye contact with others are perceived as being more warm, honest, sincere, competent, confident, and emotionally stable.
It makes you also seem present and giving your full attention to the other person.
Avoid looking somewhere else when someone is talking to you
There is nothing more annoying than feeling that you are just talking to yourself when you are talking to someone, because he does not stop looking in the other directions, like if he is searching for something more important to give attention to.
Of course, you have to break eye contact every now and then, but make sure to do it briefly, and go back to make eye contact.
Nod when you are listening
Nodding slowly says that you understand what the other is saying.
Nodding at a medium speed says that you agree with what the other is saying.
Nodding fast says that you agree strongly with what the other is saying.
Nod at different speeds depending on the situation and what the other is saying.
To nod before disagreeing with someone shows to you understand and respect his point of view even if you do not agree with him.
Ask clarifying questions
Asking clarifying questions shows curiosity and interest in what the other is saying, and motivate him to speak in more details.
The other may think if you are new to him, that you could get bored by his speech, so he usually limits his words, your job is to show that you are really interested and want to know more about the subject that he is talking about.
Paraphrase what the other has just said
Summarize what he has just said in a few words, then say ” do I understand you correctly?” or ” is this what you meant?” to show that you were listening to what he said, and to make him clarify if there is any misunderstanding.
In summary of How to be Charming
Make the other feel important, but you have to be careful though.. in your attempts to make others feel important, make sure to keep their respect for you, in other words, give them space and do not be always present for them, because the things that we have always present for us, we tend to perceive as less valuable.
Make sure to show others that you have a life, you have other things to do, other people to hang out with, and that you are not just a tool they can use to feel good about themselves whenever they want.
Charm without self-confidence could backfire, and become a sign of insecurity instead of making you more charismatic, and could convey to people that you do not treat them nicely because you really care about other people, but because you need validation, so in the next section, I’ll show you how to be confident.
The Second component of charisma: Confidence
Confidence Tip#1: Change your Belief System
Think positively about yourself, you don’t need to criticize yourself every time you make a mistake and for every imperfection you have, accept yourself as you are, and don’t give much value to people’s opinions.
Focus on the good qualities you have, celebrate your small successes, and always develop yourself to be more confident and satisfied with yourself.
Sometimes it can be hard to be confident if you have no life, no skills or abilities, and nothing is special or good about you, but you have to know that the confident people that you see in the street and your everyday life are not perfect or awesome as well, many of them have nothing valuable than them other than confidence and courage, they also have insecurities and imperfections, they just learned how to hide and ignore them, and that is what you have to do, you should be like an actor, in front of people, show a great, confident and charismatic image, and think and deal with your insecurities when you are alone.
You won’t ignore your insecurities forever, you will do that just when you are with people, and when you are alone, you can develop yourself and try to fix what you don’t like about yourself.
Remember: The social life is just a sort of acting, no one is real, everybody is projecting the image that will make them loved and respected, and the image that they think is socially acceptable. Your job is to learn to act in a way that will create the reaction that you want in people.
Confidence Tip#2: The Body language
Keep your posture straight, your shoulders back, and push your chest outward.
Don’t walk too fast or too slow, walk at medium speed.
Your steps must be not very short or very long.
Don’t look in the ground, look in front of you or in the other sides, but always keep your head up.
Walk like a king and sit like a king, and act like a king, and people will treat you like a king.
When talking or listening to someone do eye contact.
If a girl looked at you, keep eye contact until she breaks it first.
Confidence Tip#3: The Tone of Voice
Do you ever have a hard time getting people to listen to you, or gaining their respect? Well, it’s probably because you sound like a little bitch..
Next time you speak to someone, follow these tips:
Do not rise your voice at the end of the sentence when you are speaking, like if you ask for attention and validation. This specific tonality is called “asking for rapport”, and we tend to speak this way when we are nervous.
Keep your voice flat, like when you speak with someone close to you like your friends. This tonality is called “holding rapport”
You can use even a better and more confident tone of voice, it is called “breaking report tonality”, it shows that you are in a position of authority, a position where the other position has to work for your validation and attention”, it indicates that you are a person of higher value, this tonality does not rise in the end or stay flat, instead, it curves down, the tone drops towards the end, it is the opposite of the first tonality.
Make sure to not use the last one with your boss or with someone with higher authority than you.
Try to keep your voice between the second and third tonality.
Speak slowly, if you rush, it is like if you are not confident in what you are saying, and you don’t want to waste people’s time and energy with your speech, so you talk fast to end what you are saying as fast as possible.
A confident person believes that his voice deserves to be heard, so he speaks slowly and expects from others to listen carefully.
Anyway, try to make sure that you know what you are talking about, in other words, think before you speak, because saying stupid or banal things all the time makes you lose people’s respect.
Confidence Tip#4: Don’t Act too Nice
Do not ask, suggest or command. Don’t say “which restaurant you want us to go to?”, instead say “I know a great restaurant, do you want to go?”, or “let’s go to this restaurant? it’s great”.
You have to participate in the decision making when you are with your friends or girlfriend, do not let them decide for you, you also have a personal opinion and they have to respect it, if they do not respect it, then they do not respect you, and you should never let someone disrespect you in any way.
Set boundaries, you have to learn how to say now, do not accept and say yes to anything, if you don’t like going someone, or you don’t like something done to you, say it and put boundaries that will strop that thing from happening again. Put yourself first, and never let people pass your boundaries.
Confront people. Once people do or say something you don’t like, you have to face them as fast as possible, don’t overthink, don’t try to hide what you truly feel and think to impress people and avoid conflict. Don’t sacrifice your happiness to make others happy, because you are responsible for yourself before anyone else, so defend yourself at any time others try to test you.
Tell stories to draw attention to you. Nice guys try hard to avoid attention, and they put others under attention, because being noticed is risky for them, they could be criticized for how they look or how they speak, being always hidden is their strategy to be safe from criticism.
Telling stories is a great way to get used to attention, tell a story or simply express yourself in front of others and you’ll be perceived as someone who is confident in himself and not afraid of others’ opinions.
Try doing that enthusiastically, and not in a boring way, to keep people’s attention strong.
when you want something from people, ask for it, don’ try to avoid rejection or conflict, if they say no, simply accept it. If you like a girl, ask for her number, if you want service from someone, talk to him and ask for it.
Confidence Tip#5: Don’t be a follower
Stop following people, you should have your own life, your own goals and your own activities that you enjoy. If you look like someone who has no life, people will perceive you as a low-status person, as someone who has nothing important to do, and they will try to lead you in their direction.
To be a charismatic and confident man, it is very necessary to have a vision for the future, for things you want to achieve, and for the person you want to become.
Anything you do at any time, must, in the end, serve your vision, starting from the small things you do every day.
If anyone asks you to do something and try to push you to do something that won’t serve your vision, or if someone tries to lead you in a way that will keep you away from your goals, simply reject and say no, because following him will serve him not you.
You don’t have to lead others, but at least lead yourself.
Just have your own vision and goals and following them will boost your confidence in a big way.
Your life should be about you and your own success, happiness and well being, and not others.
Confidence Tip#6: Court Attention at all cost
People judge others first based on what they see, so you have to take advantage of that by creating a good image, you don’t have to be very good looking or have the best body, but you have to take care of your image more, by being more attractive, social, enthusiastic, bold or mysterious than others.
Wear nice and clean clothes
Go to the gym and lift some weight
get an attractive haircut.
It is great to have your own unique style, per example, color your hair with a special color, follow a unique style of clothes. Just try to stand out in any way.
Be the most social person in the room, create many relationships with people to be perceived as someone who is loved by many people, that will draw people to you.
Be the most mysterious. We will talk more about that later, but you have to know that it is all about getting people to imagine amazing things about you because they do not know who you really are.
Be the boldest, adventurous and enthusiastic. The one who does the craziest and unusual things get the most attention, be that person by doing the things that others are afraid to do, This will create a big gap between you and the others.
Confidence Tip#7: Know when to be Bad
Sometimes you will meet people who are toxic, narcissistic, and selfish, and they will turn your life to hell if you don’t stop them, you can, of course, just get away from them, but this option will not be always available for you, in this case, you have to be bad, like them or more than them.
Do not be merciful with these types of people, if you have the option, destroy them completely.
Being nice with these people will only motivate them to try more to take advantage of you, to use you and benefit from you.
Stand out for yourself and face them directly, let them know that if they think about mistreating you in any way in the future, you will hurt them.
Confidence Tip#8: Be Bold and Decisive
Confidence can never exist without courage, and hesitating makes people perceive you as weak. Being confident in your power and ability to handle any situation is the key to courage.
Courage is a skill that can be practiced, you just need to start taking risks, from small risks like rejection to big risks like failing to achieve a goal.
The danger of timidity is often more dangerous than the ones of courage, it puts you in a circle of self-doubt, and also makes you unable to confront life and people, and it also attracts toxic and manipulative people to you.
Every day do at least one thing you are afraid of, like approaching a stranger or working on an ambitious goal.
The Third component of charisma: Mystery
Mystery makes the effect of charm and confidence even bigger, making people fantasize about you, idealize you in their mind, creating a perfect image of you, you don’t want to destroy this image and possibility of a bigger effect on people, enhance this image, by creating a mysterious personality.
After people start to perceive you as a charming and confident person, a little mystery will make them imagine that there are more amazing things about you than what they see.
Mystery Tip#1: Show contradiction
You can be warm and cold, intimate and distant, good and bad, spiritual and materialist. Since most people are predictable, the effect of these contradictions makes people perceive you as someone with a high charisma. They make you hard to fathom, add richness to your character, make people talk about you. It is often better to reveal your contradictions slowly and subtly—if you throw them out one on top of the other, people may think you have an erratic personality. Show your mysteriousness gradually and word will spread. You must also keep people at arm’s length, to keep them from figuring you out.
Mystery Tip#2: keep some interesting things about yourself hidden from people
From time to time, show people things about yourself that they did not know before. Most people reveal everything about themselves easily. What you have to do is to make people comfortable with an image they have about you, and then, show a skill or ability that is new and interesting. This will excite people and increase your mystery and charisma.
Mystery Tip#3: Be unpredictable
Suprise people from time to time, do something they did not expect it from you.
Once people shape an image of you, they will take you for granted and treat you will less respect, so you have to challenge or even break this image from time to time, this will make them think if they really know you.
Mystery Tip#4: Disappear to enhance your value
Being always present make people value you less and less, so disappearing from time to time after you have already been valued because of your confident and charm, will make people give you a higher value.
Mystery Tip#5: keep a mysterious face
Displaying a face with no emotions makes people fantasize about you, especially if you have a unique style that attracts attention. The confident attitude will enhance the effect. Make sure to keep a distance between you and others, physical or psychological, to not let them know much about you.
Mystery Tip#6: Always say less than necessary
The more you say, the more likely you are to say something stupid or banal. But when you talk less, people will give higher attention and value more to what you are saying. Of course, you should participate in the conversations around you, but make sure to keep your speech short.
Mystery Tip#7: Avoid stupid actions (that could destroy the idealized image of you)
Think before you do anything because any stupid action could waste all the work you had done to create a great image of you in people’s minds.
That’s all for this post 🙂 see you in the coming posts.